Dear Daddy in the blue Ford,
First let me say, I am a product of the 60s. I started my driving career in the 80s when seat belts were options for which only the fancy folks paid when purchasing a car. If I actually rode in a vehicle with a seat belt, those things were buried deep down in the crevices of the pleather seating. Inoperable. Caked with catsup and half-eaten suckers. And if it did just happen to jut out from between the seats, you risked anal injury by sitting on it.
Unfortunately, though, times have changed. I guess the transportation department got tired of cleaning the body parts off the pavement. Regardless of the pivotal factors, seat belts are the law now. And car seats for children are too... They won't let you leave the hospital with a newborn without passing inspection. It's kind of a big deal. Kids have to be locked down in the back seat until they are practically old enough to have hair under their armpits. Just try passing the crossing guard in the parent pickup lane with an unsecured child...
Which brings me to my point. Shut up. I realize I just wrote an entire book to get to my little point. That's how I roll. Your six year old son really should not be riding in the front seat without a seat belt. Sitting in the front at that age is really pushing it, but I will entertain it. However without a seat belt is just totally unacceptable. The sight of him sitting up next to the dashboard just scared the bu-jeezes out of me. I had a severe panic attack just thinking about you slamming on brakes and him flying through the windshield. Especially considering that you were TEXTING THE ENTIRE TIME!!!
Two-handed texting. Knee steering. In the stop and go holiday traffic. If I was your wife, I'd beat you to death with a baseball bat. Dead. Then hang your ass by the balls from a flagpole at the next Mother's Against Destructive Decisions meeting.
Are you effin' stupid?!?!? God knows I love to text. I am a texter. Texting is the greatest invention since the internet. Seriously. No one hates talking on the phone more than me. I don't want to chit chat about your sinus infection or your husband's hemorrhoids. I totally get the desire to text. I even understand the need to text while driving. Guilty as charged. But come on, Dude... Both hands?!?! In heavy traffic??? There is nothing that damn important.
If I catch you riding around town with your kid hanging from the oh-shit bar while you are texting, I'm calling the Po-Po. Period. You can choose to ride without a seat belt. Hell, you can even choose to text and drive. Your kid, though? His life is in your hands. Don't make me have to whip your ass for harming him.
Sincerely,
The Nosey Mom in the Right Lane
6 years ago
1 comment:
I think you can call the authorities and report his license plate number. If I'm not mistaken they will send him a reminder in the mail concerning child restraint laws. At least it would make him wonder who's going to notice his behavior next.
Of course, he could be a flaming liberal who thinks it's his right to kill his child.
Post a Comment
Am I right, or what?