What do I have??? A damn aching back!
Because I buy into all the 40-is-the-new-20 hype, I am literally killing myself at the gym. High impact Zumba three days a week, Hip Hop Abs once a week, and some cardio kickboxing when I can fit it into my schedule. Hell, I didn't work out this much when I was 23 years old. Which, by the way, was when I looked my best. I was fit, tan, and half-nekked most of the time. God, I miss those days.
Back to reality, heifer!
Oh, yea... Well, now I've got this 40ish (just not ready to embrace the new odd number which is my current age) body stuck in a 20-something time warp. I keep thinking if I work hard enough I can have my old body back. I've yo-yo'ed all my life gaining weight and then losing weight and then gaining and losing it again. No biggie; drink a few Slim-Fast shakes for a week and watch the pounds disappear!
That's what my under-developed brain thinks. The overly mature body knows otherwise, though.
On Tuesday, I came home from Zumba feeling rejuvenated.
Uh-huh. Look at you, LB! Won't be long now, girl, and you'll be looking gooo-oood! Sure am glad you saved those bikinis from 1998. You're going to need them this summer. Sex-ee, little Mah-muh! Get in that shower, Hot Stuff.
*insert record scratch here*
I bent down to pick up my wash cloth and was quickly jerked back to reality. All the sudden, I felt this horrendous pain in my lower back. The pain ran from all the way down my left leg. I wanted to cry. I did cry. I was able to stand upright only after hobbling over to the sink and pushing myself up with my arms. Once up, I could not go back down. I couldn't sit; I couldn't bend. I was stiff as a board! (ADD moment #593 - Do you remember playing "Light as a Feather, Stiff as a Board" when you were a kid??? I loved that game. We'd play that and have seances. We were creepy little girls, now that I think about it.)
What the crap is that all about??? When I told my OB about it, he said "Oh, quit all that jumping around. Just buy yourself some comfortable shoes and walk."
Translation - "You're old as dirt, LB. Get yourself some black orthopedic shoes, some high-waist, elastic pants, and walk the mall every day like the rest of the geriatric community does."
Thanks. Shoot me now, and send me off to the glue factory, please. I'm done.
