The Preschool Clique

My daughter is a mean girl.  She's five.

This week her preschool went on a field trip to the zoo.  Her daddy took her.  She specifically requested him so that he would bring her and her best friend to see the alligators.  I guess she didn't think I was capable of protecting her from the big, bad alligators behind the very thick, bullet-proof glass.  But that's not really the point.  Sorry.  ADD moment...

Anymeanasslittlegirl, she already has a best friend.  Her BFF, Abby Lou, is the daughter of a coworker.  It's quite ironic that they became such good friends because last year she told me that she didn't like girls with short hair.  Seeing as Abby Lou has short hair, I was quite surprised by their instant bond.  The two of them are like Thelma & Louise.  Rice and beans.  Candace and Stacy.

This BFF duo is actually trouble disguised as completely adorable with ringlets and hair bows.  As with any girl besties situation, there's always the third wheel.  You know, that friend with whom both of them will hang when the besty is not available.  The girl who longs to be a best friend, too, yet she's just not.

That's Sarah Lynn.  The third wheel.  The one that my little mean girl, G, didn't want to invite to her birthday party last year because she had short hair.  Did I tell you these girls are all five???


Back at the zoo...

Sarah Lynn wanted to hang out with the two BFFs.  She and her mom stayed with the group of my coworker, Mr. OCD, Abby Lou, and G the mean ass.  While walking through the animal exhibits, the BFFs were holding hands.  Of course, Sarah Lynn, desperate to be a part of their little clique, wanted to hold hands too.  When Sarah Lynn tried to hold my little diva's hand, she pulled away and said "I need this hand to push my hair back when it gets in my eyes."

WTF???  It gets worse.  In front of an animal exhibit, Abby Lou and Sarah Lynn, were standing together against the rail watching the animals.  G didn't like that so she pinched Sarah Lynn.  Of course, this made Sarah Lynn run off crying to her mom.  Mission accomplished for G, though.  Sarah Lynn was no longer standing next to Abby Lou.

Mothers of daughters - BEWARE!  It's part of God's plan.  You will reap what you sow!

My BFF Is Gone

My BFF is gone )-8

No, she's not dead!  Today was her last day of work.  She's moving to Piggott, Arkansas.  Population 3,800.  Home of the Hemingway-Pfeiffer Museum.

She's been my bestie for the past 3 years.  I remember the day she moved into the classroom across the hall from me.  Out the corner of my eye, I see this beautiful woman carrying boxes of loot.  She gave me an obligatory half smile/half smirk and went about moving into her room.

Oh great, I thought.  They've moved a Prima Donna into the room across the hall.

This bothered me because I tend to be a Prima Donna.  How would TWO divas co-exist on this hallway?!?  Plus, she was younger and prettier - a total triple threat. 

The first day of school rolls around and there we stand.  Doing hallway duty.  Across the hall from one another.  Face to face.  Hell, I couldn't help but smile at her.

It didn't take long before we started talking.  She was new and needed to know what to do with the student handbooks.  She didn't have enough reduced lunch forms.  Who gets what???  When?  The first day of school is stressful to even the most seasoned professional.

Before long, we were talking about this and that and the other.  When she mentioned the bad hair and visible cankles of a coworker, I knew we'd be the best of friends. We were both bona fide smart asses with a penchant for fashion.  The Clinton and Stacy of Podunk High School. 

Over the years, our bond grew stronger.  She kept me in the gym and away from the cake.  I kept her from losing her freakin' mind with those bad ass kids in her classroom.


I keep reminding myself that an hour and a half is not that far away, but I know me.  And I know her.  Hell, we didn't visit when we lived 10 minutes from one another. 

All I can say is Praise Jesus, for unlimited text messaging and roll over minutes. 

Quality Time with My BFF

With a husband and kids and a mortgage to pay, it's hard to find time for myself much less time to have good, healthy relationships with my girlfriends.  I suck at phone conversations, and I'm not very good at making the occasional G.N.O. a priority.  My friendships are primarily formed and maintained by proximity.  If they are in my face, they are on my mind and in my loop.

Before my friends get too fired up, "Whoa, Nelly!"  I do have some of the absolute BEST friends in the whole, wide world.  God has blessed me with some amazing friendships.  In every phase of my life, there were some incredible friendships involved with my fondest memories.  Friendship and girl-bonding are very important to me.

When I'm down in the dumps, my girls keep me from drinking the poisoned Kool-Aid.  When I need to borrow a dollar for my morning Coke Zero on a day when I ran out of the house without my caffeine, I know I have a friend to hook me up.  When I dye my hair pineapple yellow on the day before school starts, my girlfriends are on the 4-1-1.  Seriously...my Besties are the best!

I have to tell you, though.  My best friend, Harriett, and I have a very weird relationship.  We don't talk on the phone because texting is far less time-consuming.  We don't "do lunch" except when we happen to have the same lunch schedule at work.  I probably saw her less than a handful of times over our summer break.  We don't spend time together because our schedules just don't allow it.  Yet, our bond is pretty tight.  We have one very strange interest that keeps us thick as thieves.

We diet together.  Swear.  That's what we do.  That's what we talk about. She gives me tips on what to do at the gym.  Her husband is the master slave driver who orchestrates the whole thing, but she and I keep each other accountable.  I know that if I'm about to hit the Dairy Queen, she can text me down.  Her having to keep me straight (because I'm the one who's always looking for a loophole and chocolate) helps keep her straight.  It's a win-win. 

We are both consumed with our weight -- how much we've gained, how much we've lost, how far away we are from our college fighting weight.  Some weight loss "techniques" we've pondered?  Wiring our jaws shut, getting deathly ill, using meth until reaching our ideal weight then have our families call in a professional interventionist, using Alli with Depends (for those uncontrollably explosive bowels), anorexia, bulimia, in-home liposuction machines from eBay...the list goes on and on.  Literally.

Don't worry; we aren't doing any of it.  It makes for good conversation and lots of laughter, though.  I'm pretty sure if we didn't diet together, we'd still be friends.  The dieting is the "hook," but the laughter is what keeps us BFFs.

Oh, I need to text her now.  I think I lost 3 lbs. this week on the chicken and asparagus diet!  She'll be proud...or she'll want to stab my eyeballs out.