The Devil Wears Merrells

Out of respect for my husband, I've refrained from blogging lately.  The wounds were too fresh.  The events were too traumatic.  Our world has been forever changed.

I'm too pissed to keep it in anymore, though.  Nothing I blog about is slanderous.  It is ALL true.  It may be seasoned with a little humor and sarcasm to make it more palatable, but it's honest nonetheless.  One thing I learned as a teenager is that I am not a good liar.  I don't even try it anymore.

As you are all pretty much aware, my MIL is from hell.  She is a rude narcissist with bad taste and no teeth.  Since I've known my husband, I've had very few joyful encounters with this woman.  She sucks the fun out of life and the life out of the people around her.  If she isn't happy, then no one within her circle of friends and relatives is allowed to be happy.  And if you piss her off...you best be willing to face the wrath known as Judy!

I've always found humor in the Judy antics especially since they were never aimed at me.  When she had her husband arrested and called in the Domestic Violence advocacy group, I chuckled at the unfortunate mayhem in her ex's life.  I liked Richard, and always felt that she was the cause of all the fighting.  Furthermore, I never, for one moment, believed that she was abused in ANY way.  If anyone suffered abuse, it was her ex-husband.

When she got mad at one of her ex's friends and ran him off the road with her vehicle, I laughed.  The man wasn't hurt, and I developed a mental picture of her doing it.  The reality is, she was pissed and wanted that man dead!  Of course, she lied like a rug in church and got the charges dismissed.  The victim was a poor drunk with no money and no lawyer.  He was certainly no match for Judy.

I'm not laughing now, though.  She's since turned her malice to me and my family.  I never DREAMED that a mother could be so vindictive towards her own child.  I knew that she and my son said things to one another that were appalling, but I NEVER, ever dreamed that she would set out to destroy him.  I was wrong.

Since my last blog, a lot has happened.  All of which stemmed from the dog feces on our carpet.  She tried to destroy our family's reputation and traumatize my children.  Yes, this self-proclaimed loving mother and devoted grandmother.  This feeble, battered wife.  This God-loving Christian.  This freakin' Devil in horse shit-encrusted Merrells!!!

I wouldn't piss on her if she were on fire!  My family is strong, and we will prevail.  We've already begun to heal.  She, on the otherhand, is festering in her own venom.  She has her own special place in the depths of HELL.  I sure hope that dog of hers is capable of wiping her big, fat rear when she gets too old to do it because no one in my family will be there for her.  She's lost her son and her grandchildren.  Wow, what a miserable existence.

HAIL, HAIL!  THE WITCH IS DEAD!

And we won't have to pay to bury her!

My Email Rights Should Be Revoked

I suck at email.  Seriously...  I teach computer classes all day long.  I worked in business technology for years.  You'd think email would be a no-brainer.  Not the case for me, though.  Shall I remind you of my little accidental-email-to-the-boss-about-the-boss mishap??  I'm too quick on the trigger.  I don't write, think, revise, think, revise, think, send.  I merely type, send, regret!  It bites me in the a$$ every time.

Today is no exception.  Lucky for me, it wasn't a serious snafu.  The email did not contain any of my trashy talk.  It was to my husband, but it wasn't flirtatious or sexy.  That's not how I roll.  I wasn't giving him a dog cussin' clarifying instructions either.  I was quite embarrassed, nonetheless.

I received an email this morning from my children's preschool regarding Teacher Appreciation Week.  Each year during Teacher Appreciation Week, the parents of children attending the preschool provide snacks and treats to demonstrate our appreciation to the faculty and staff.  I'm not complaining; I'm more than willing to show my gratitude towards them.  Those teachers do great work!  My kids have learned so much there.  I forwarded the original email to my husband to ensure that we remembered to contribute.  My husband replied with he would remember if I didn't.

Being the smarty pants that I am, though, I could not resist.  In response to my husband, I added a little of my own commentary about the festivities.  Since I am a teacher, my email simply stated, "Yes, and you should show your appreciation towards me that week! I work hard for this chump-change!!"

It was meant for my husband, but it went to the administrator who originated the email.  Uh-oh!!

She emailed me back with, "If you taught my children, I would dear :)"

I'm sure she thought I was a straight-up loon!  I know if a parent emailed me stating that I should show appreciation for all the work she does at home, I'd add her to my list of Crazy Folks With Whom I Should Avoid Eye Contact in Walmart!

Even more embarrassing???  How about I cleared things up only to have her probably think that I was trying to sex up my husband while at work!  Seriously, she probably thought I was creeping on my husband in the middle of the day!