Showing posts with label independence day. Show all posts
Showing posts with label independence day. Show all posts

Sunday, July 4, 2010

The Significance of July 4th - LB Style

The day has finally arrived!  It's July 4th, bitches!  You know what that means, don't ya?  It's hibernating time!

Oh, I know.  It's also a special day to commemorate our freedom from oppression.  Those darn British treated us like crap, and we revolted.  I'm not going to go through the whole shpeel; Schoolhouse Rock taught me everything I know.  Check 'em out:



What more can I possibly add to that?

Besides the whole independence, declaration, revolution thing, July 4th holds even more significance.  Maybe not for some of you, but I'm sure my brethren down here in the armpit of hell South will concur.  Every year starting at 11:59:59 p.m., LB begins to hibernate.  No more beach vacations, zoo trips, or bike rides.  If it's happening outside, I ain't going!

I hope you all got to see me this summer.  If not, you'll have to wait until mid-September.  In meantime, you can find me inside with the A/C cranked and blinds closed.  Forty thousand degrees at 7:45 a.m. is not my idea of a warm and sunny day.  That falls more along the lines of a day in Death Valley.  With no water.  Death being the key word.  No thanks, I'll be getting my tan at the Fake Bake salon where there is plenty of air-conditioning and soft towels.

Enjoy the rest of your summer, boys and girls.  Try not to die from heat exhaustion.  Drink plenty of water!  Stay in the shade!  Last, but most importantly, don't leave those kiddies in the car no matter how badly they piss you off, people!!!

ADD moment #456:  I am always shocked and appalled when a child is left in a hot car to suffocate.  And the parents always have the same excuse -- "I didn't know he was there."  I call "bullshit."  There ain't never been a car ride in the history of my children's lives that their presence was not known.  Mine may be heathens, but I'm pretty sure even the shy kids make a little noise back there.  Not to mention that you had to strap them in the freakin' car seat to begin with.  Hell-O???  Those parents should be given the same type of death sentence.  There's no excuse!