Dear Mr. Crayola,
Can you please explain to me the specific definition of the term "Washable"?!?!? Those words are clearly marked on your markers and crayons, however, I want to be perfectly clear about the actual meaning. Obviously, my understanding of "washable" does not correlate to my experience with your washable markers.
First of all, let me just say that I am a big fan. I have been for years. Crayola is the only brand used at our house. Having grown up in a poor family where my parents only purchased off-brand, waxy crayons, I can honestly say that Crayola is the best. Hands down! And those twistable colored pencils and crayons??? Best inventions since the flushable butt wipe. Bravo!! Impeccable craftsmanship. No wonder you are the preferred brand of the National Teacher's Association.
Which is why I am totally perplexed at this moment. My concern is with washability of your markers -- every child's dream and every mother's nightmare. Because markers are so messy, I was careful to buy those clearly marked "washable." I assumed that they are labeled as such because the markings can be washed from surfaces and clothing. But with what??? Is there some magic solution of which I am unaware? Must Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny perform some form of holistic ritual in order to wash the markings away??
My 6 year old son, Messy Marvin, recently completed an entire mural using your markers. Yes, I know. I am pretty proud. And scared. The mural drawings depicted all the ways he could get rid of his sister. Some were a bit, um, disturbing. In his defense, she does the pester the crap out of him.
Any way... As luck would have it, his mural was mostly on paper. He did, however, manage to get a good bit on his church clothing and his small white table. I'm talking black marker. And blue.
This was last Sunday. Since then I've used every surface cleaner known to man to remove the markings from the table, but to no avail. Mr. Clean and an entire army of other shiny, bald guys could not get the black and blue marks off that table. Short of repainting it (which will be a royal pain in my ass), I have no idea how to get that "washable" ink off my furniture!
As if that isn't bad enough, I have pre-treated, treated, soaked, and scrubbed his cute little Kelly's Kids outfit. You know, the whale one with the turquoise polo and the brown seersucker shorts??? So adorable. Yes, so I washed and washed because, well...ya know...the label on the markers says "Washable." That outfit, by the way, was brand new. The tags were still on it until last Sunday when Messy Marvin managed to ruin it in less than 20 minutes.
Even after exhausting all my laundry goddess skills, the markings remain. As vibrant as when they were first made. Did I mention this was a brand new outfit????
While it's hard for a goddess to admit, I need your prompt assistance with this matter.
Please tell me what the fuck you mean by "washable"? Just how the hell am I supposed to remove washable marker from seersucker and wood?
If the markers are just a labeling joke on your part and the stains are permanent, I will need you to be available on Saturday from noon until 3:00 p.m. You, sir, are going to paint that fucking table and do a little toilet cleaning to work off the clothing debt!
Sincerest Regards,
LB, Marvin's mom
6 years ago
