Nothing Like the Wrath of Daddy

My daughter woke everyone up this morning at 5:49 a.m.  I was pissed and begged her to go back to sleep.  I even let her crawl in bed with me and her brother.  (Yes, my son's pretty much taken over my bedroom.  Daddy has been sleeping on the couch.  To say our sex life is exciting would be an....uh....well, a bad April Fool's joke.)  I tried rubbing her back, but no deal.  She wanted to talk...

Against my better judgment, I got my butt out of bed.  My intentions were selfish, though.  I got up to turn on some cartoons and make her a nice pallet on the couch.  While I was feverishly working to get her away from me so I could go back to bed, she went back into my bedroom and woke up her brother.   

Crap!  Now they're both up!  Wait...Ahhh, yes.  Now they are both up and out of my bed.  Cha-ching!  I've got the bed to myself.  Surely they can play together for an hour or so without torching the house.  I'll fix them some cereal and sneak back into my bedroom while they eat.  Perfect plan!

Even at 6:00 a.m., my genius can kick in.  Just as I got back to bed, I hear this:

E:  Jaden, J-A-D-E-N

G: Is this what a D looks like?

E:  Yes, now Daniel, D-A-N-I-E-L

For a moment, I was totally impressed.  I know E has learned a lot in kindergarten this year, but how to spell the names of his friends???  That's freakin' awesome!

E:  Luke, L-U-K-E

G:  What is his number?

What a minute.  Those aren't his classmates.  Those are his team mates.  They are writing something somewhere.  So I yell.  I'm suspicious but not enough to get my butt out of bed.  E and G!  What are you writing?  What are you writing?  You better not be in your daddy's stuff!  Too late.  I hear them scurrying around the dining room where their dad has put all the baseball gear of his t-ball team.

Shit!  I had to get up.

I find them on the floor with the brand, new, tags-still-on-them baseball hats.  Writing the names and numbers of the players on the inside of the bill.  With MARKER!  Oh, hell, their daddy is going to kill them.

I'm giggling on the inside because that is what he gets for going hunting this morning.  Mama is spoiled, you see, and always gets to sleep in on Saturdays while Daddy gets up with the kids.  This morning, though, he was in the woods and Mama was out of her mind desperate for more shut eye.

I called to tell him the news.  It's official.  He's going to kill them.

As I began typing this blog, I heard my two angels run up the stairs into their bedrooms.  I heard the doors lock.  They're scared, shitless.

I remember those days when I was scared my dad was actually going to kill me.  Ah, sweet memories...  Why am I enjoying this so much???