No Fun(neling) for the Over 40 Crowd

Finally!  Spring Break!  I thought it would never get here.  I thought I'd never get here (at least without receiving a sentence of 20-to-life).  I survived; they survived.  It's all good.  Now I can relax!  "Wait, but what about your own kids?" you ask??

Ahhh, life is beautiful!  No, I didn't ship them off to a boarding school.  I didn't even sell them on eBay, though that listing is currently sitting in my "pending" file.  Instead my husband did the sweetest thing that will cost me several blow jobs, and took them for a visit to the MILs house.  That's right folks; for the next 24 hours, I have the house to myself.  I don't think that's happened since Moses parted the Red Sea.  It may even be before dinosaurs became extinct.  It's definitely not happened since the PK days, better known as the Post Kids days.

Yes, I have a gazillion and one things on my to do list.  I really need to get ready for our trip to the beach!  We're leaving Sunday!  There are clothes to be washed, toilets to be cleaned, and my fingernails to be plucked out slowly with needle-nosed pliers, all of which are equally painful.  Ok, I won't be doing the last one but the others are pretty painful, too.  I've got suitcases to pull out of the attic.  I need to find the much-dreaded swimsuits and sunscreen.  I've got to drop the dog off at the kennel, stock up on some JC cuisine, weigh-in, get my hair cut, have my nails done...  Phew!  It's making me tired just thinking about it.

No wild kegger tonight, I'm afraid.  I may try to find that old funnel, though, and pour a Miller Lite down my throat for old times sake. 

Not me...or is it???  Uh-oh, maybe? 

Of course, that will probably make me puke.  Everywhere!  And I will feel like Hot Death on a cracker tomorrow.   

Oh, just NEVER MIND!    That damn voice of reason...  Why did none of that ever occur to me when I was in college making bad choices and sleeping with random frat boys who only appealed to me after 40 Lemon Drop shooters and a case of beer?