Concrete Wall vs. Brick Wall

Have you ever loved someone, but knew that you just weren't good together?? I had a boyfriend or two in my past that was no good for me. I've even had friends that I'd call "toxic." While I loved them dearly, I just couldn't spend a great deal of time with them without going to jail or wanting to stab my eyeballs out. Those relationships always seemed to cause the most joy and the most pain at the same time.

I used to often wonder why God put those people in my life. Why me? Why do I have to feel this way? What have I done wrong?

I say all this because God has challenged me again in the relationship area. I have another person in my life that makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs. To much time together makes me want to run for the hills. In this relationship, I feel like I'm losing control. It is the most precious relationship with the most trying challenges.

That relationship is with my 3 year old daughter. G is incredibly funny and smart (she knows who Obama is at 3!) and beautiful and DE-man-DING. She seriously makes me crazy! We have a battle of wills going on, and I'm totally losing. This is an extraordinary phenomena since I'm the most willful person I know - just ask my friends and family.

Anyway... The drama is unbelievable. When I don't do what she wants when she wants it, all hell breaks loose! She's got the meltdown to an art. Her tantrums are definitely Academy Award contenders. She can cry/scream at the top of her lungs for 45 minutes without even pausing for air. Too bad she can't carry a tune because she's definitely got the lungs of a professional opera singer.

I know it's cliche to say "you reap what you sow," but this is evidently a fact and not just a saying. My mom said I put the D in drama when I was kid. While my brother and sister were typically compliant, I was her challenger. When I was told to do things, I'd deliberately not do them just daring my mom to do something about it. She told me that once she tried to make me clean up my room. When I refused, she tried to physically put my hand on the ground to pick up an item. Instead of submitting, I balled my fists, locked my elbows, and sat on the floor. Ha, I won that one!

So ya see, my daughter is a mini-me. She's independent and stubborn and hates to give up. While I admire all of her qualities, I don't know that I am strong enough to deal with her "qualities." How did my mother do it? I don't remember seeing her take medication, and she wasn't much of a drinker. I'm sure she probably cried herself to sleep some nights, though.

While I love my mother dearly, our relationship is not very easy for either of us. When we are together, I feel like that defiant little girl all over again. I get irritated easily, and often feel uptight when I'm with her. Sadly, I think my demanding personality caused her to be more guarded towards me. Our relationship is not strained, but it is complicated. I love her, but don't know how to express that love to her. We spent too many years fighting. Ya know??

I pray to God that I have the strength to be a good mother to her. I can't allow this battle of wills to destroy our relationship. I don't want to become less affectionate towards her because her behavior makes me insane. Often times, all she wants is for me to hold her. But because she demands it, I find myself withholding. Sounds crazy, huh? Who wouldn't want to cuddle and hold such an adorable creature even if she is breaking the sound barrier with her screams?!? Who's being hard headed now??

I wonder if Dr. Phil has a solution for us. Hmmm... I told you I needed a Dr. Phil intervention.

No Financial Peace at Our House

I am such a Dave Ramsey flunkie! Even when I try to follow the plan, sh*t happens! I'm destined to die with a Macy's bill. Or at the very least, an $850 charge on my MasterCard!

Ya see, I booked our Disney vacation back in December. My kids are very excited, and really looking forward to spending a week with some of their favorite characters. We had a wonderful time last year, and my husband said it was the best family vacation he's ever had. That means a lot coming from an anal, OCD, drama king. That was all I needed to hear to convince me that another trip to Disney was our best bet.

I love traveling, and I'm *usually* an excellent vacation-planner, too. I've got the hotel booked, hopper park passes purchased, character dining reservations made, airport transportation to and from booked, and boarding passes printed. However, I made a minor miscalculation in the timing... Our departure was scheduled for Saturday, May 23rd -- Memorial weekend.

In our school district, we typically start at the beginning of August so we can be out by Memorial Day. Every year since I started teaching, it's been practically the same schedule, give or take a few days. Yes, Memorial Day is a little earlier this year, but I just assumed the schedule was pretty much the same as always. Never mind that we have a clearly legible calendar given to us at the beginning of the school year. And if that's not enough, I have access to it EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. via the web site.

Regardless of how many times I looked at it, I overlooked one minor, yet VERY IMPORTANT, detail. Teachers have to go back for two days of in-service after the Memorial Day holiday! It is true that the school year is over prior to Memorial Day; my son is done for the summer. But it's impossible for me to catch a plane for Disney on the 23rd when I have to be back to work on the 27th!

My husband's first response was "I guess you can't go with us to Disney! The kids and I are going!"

To which I responded, "Knock yourself out, Steamboat! You can't even take them to Wal-Mart by yourself without having a nervous breakdown. Go for it!" I couldn't help but feel smug. I knew I was going to win this one. Not much of a victory, though, I'm afraid :( .

I guess we could have gone for 4 days and only changed one leg of our trip. But that's not much of a vacation, especially when you have so much to do with two little ones in tow. Instead, we changed our plans in their entirety. We are now leaving on May 28th and returning on June 3rd. Disney is always great to work with and made our changes with ease.

That was not the case for the EVIL, VILLAINOUS airline. Their greedy butts just HAD to charge us for the inconvenience. I certainly can't think of any other reason since it took about 20 minutes to put us on the same flights, in practically the same seats, on different days. There were no planes left empty as I'm sure we won't be the only people traveling to Orlando in the month of June. No one got kicked off a plane because we needed a seat. I can only attribute the $850 they charged me to pure GREED!

Delta, which I normally love flying, charged me $75 per ticket PER LEG to change our reservations. In addition, I was charged another $65 per ticket due to a rate increase. Are you freaking kidding me???? The cost of flying (with still plenty of advance notice) has increased that much since December? Did the pilots get some exorbitant raise? I know it's not gas prices, so maybe they've got some fabulous entertainment appearing on the new flights? Maybe we're flying on a rocket ship? I know those things are expensive.

Whatever the reason, I think I've been kicked out of the Dave Ramsey club. I had to pay it; we were at the mercy of Delta airlines. And, of course, I don't have 850 spare dollars laying in my sock drawer. I put it on my *gasp* credit card! I feel Dave Ramsey's shoe being inserted in my ( + ) as I type...

My Poor Baby Is Nearly Blind!

My son gets right up ON the TV to watch it, and has since he was pretty young. Recently, though, I've noticed that one of his eyes will kinda "wander" when he's focusing. It really freaks me out! Anyway, his preschool did two routine eye exams this year, and he failed them both! After taking him to the eye doctor, we discovered that he is extremely far-sighted.



I feel so bad! I'm his mom! I should have taken him to the eye doctor long before he started looking cock-eyed! This whole time my baby boy has been unable to see two feet in front of him! When the doctor put the right lenses over his eyes, he said, "Wow, daddy! I can see really, really good now!" My husband felt like a loser and wanted to cry. How could we deprive our little boy by hindering his ability to really see Diego and baby Jaguar. :-(

So now my baby needs glasses... We picked some out together, and he got a cute little soccer carrying case. He was excited! Me?? Not so much. I don't want my little baby to wear glasses. I have this bad feeling about the reactions of the kids at school.

It may seem petty and ridiculous, but I don't want my kid to be a geek! I don't want other boys to call him "four eyes." I'll be mortified if some girl calls him ugly because of those glasses. It's superficial, I know, but kids ARE SUPERFICIAL!

I think my little boy is the cutest thing on earth - even with his very stylish and totally adorable glasses. In addition, he is so loving and tender-hearted. I just cannot imagine him taking such criticism without having his feelings crushed. My daughter would respond with a vicious beat down, but I don't know about E.

Now I know that looks don't matter, blah, blah, blah... Yea, well try telling that to a morbidly obese 15-year-old with braces and severe acne! Sadly, looks seem to be ALL that matters for the first 18+ years of a person's life.

I once saw a 20/20 segment where they sent two people for a job. One fat, ugly person with wonderful credentials and one good-looking person with okay credentials. Guess who got the job??? I'll give you a hint; it wasn't the one with the best resume.

I don't make this stuff up! It happens every day. Anyone have an ugly friend in medical sales? Have you ever noticed a drug rep in your doctor's office? It's usually someone young, cute, and nicely dressed. In fact, that is exactly what those companies look for when recruiting college grads. Of course, that's not part of the job description because that would be wrong (and a lawsuit in the makings). But let's face it - eye candy makes the world more bearable.

Back to E... I know he'll be fine, but I still get this knot in the pit of my stomach just thinking about the possibility of him being an outcast. Heck, I pray that neither of my kids are outcasts. God knows, anything that makes a kid "different" in any way can have a potentially devasting effect. Different + Quiet = FREAK! in any school.

Gosh, being a parent is so hard! My instincts want me to protect them from everything painful or uncomfortable. And when you can't do so, you feel so helpless! All I can do is maintain a healthy, loving relationship with my kids, though. I have to fight the urge! I will not try to resuce them from all that ills them. I'll allow them to experience the unfairness of the world on their own. Of course, I will be here to lick their wounds and wipe their tears, but I can't fight all their battles.

I know it is clique, but I honestly believe that adversity DOES build character. People who live in perfect "bubbles" tend to be the frailest and most ill-prepared when faced with life's challenges. (WARNING: This next part is a downer!) My dearly departed childhood friend is proof of that. Her parents protected and provided for her for 39 years. When it was no longer possible to do so, she crumbled and took her own life. I know it's a sad, extreme example, but it's reality.

I'm just going to encourage E, and give him lots of hugs while he (and everyone else) gets used to his new set of eyes. He's just glad to finally be able to see! And when the first person ridicules E for wearing glasses, I'm going to resist the urge to whip that kid's a$$. I won't call his parents either. I'll comfort E's beautiful, happy soul instead...

Dave Ramsey Is Messing with My Head

In order to teach Personal Finance in high school, you have to receive certification. Since it will be a graduation requirement for the class of 2013, I went to a Dave Ramsey training session for teachers to receive my certification. For a bonus, I got to spend two nights in Nashville in a nice hotel with all expenses paid. What more could I ask for, right??

Wrong! Since I returned home, I've been feeling guilty about the way I spend money. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to shop! If I want, I buy it. Our closets are all full of clothes with the tags still on them! My husband gets 1/4th of our walk-in closet while the rest is mine. I haven't counted lately, but I probably have well over 100 pairs of shoes. Both of my children require a dresser and two closets to store all of their clothes and shoes. Oh, and our house looks like the local Toys R Us! We have a playroom full of stuff, a living room full of stuff, and each bedroom is full of stuff! In addition, we have so many riding toys of every variety in our shed that there is no room for the lawn mower! Just thinking about shopping gets me high!

That euphoria quickly dissipated and turned to guilt, though. That Dave Ramsey training didn't just arm me with information for the course. It also made me take a look at my own spending habits. Yikes! With an M.B.A. and a degree in economics, you'd think I'd be on top of the money game. In the words of Maury Povich, " You ARE NOT..." correct.

I'm a mess! I'm surprised my husband hasn't kicked me out of the house yet. While we aren't crazy in debt, we do tend to pay things off only to have me charge them back up again. And every month we get into the same argument about how I charged stuff on my Gap or Macy's cards without letting him know. "They aren't in my budget!" he'll say. Then I come back with, "Well, I work too, dammit!" It always ends with "Screw you!" and "Screw you too!"

I'm hoping after we have our first Budget Committee Meeting this afternoon, I won't feel so guilty. Maybe we can actually plan for my outrageous spending habits. We could put it under "Entertainment Expenses" since we don't ever do much any way. The biggest issue will be, however, making my 4 year old understand that he can't have a toy every single day of his life. He's mad at me right now and is threatening to drive his Diego jeep to Wal-Mart if I don't take him.

I started giving him $5 per week this week. I made him put $2 in his piggy bank, and he was able to spend the other $3. Of course, there's not a thing anywhere for $3 so I had to kick in a bit. Now he thinks I'll just give him money to pay for his daily toy fix. It may take us some time to get him on board with our Living Debt-free Plan. He currently owes me $13 for his most recent purchase, and is already looking for another creative financing option so he can hit the aisles of Wal-Mart!

No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Wow, this school year has been crazy for me. Normally I get through the year without having any incidents, any parent confrontations, any reprimands, etc. Not this year, though. This year has been completely out of whack. Could it be the greenhouse gases are affecting us all???

There are rules, and then there are exceptions to the rules. However if you let one exception, the flood gates open. It really is a true statement that "no good deed goes unpunished." God forbid you allow one student to do something because it will only come back to bite you in butt in the form of "but you let so-and-so do such-and-such..."

Last week I had to confiscate a student's cell phone. He had it out on his desk during class. At our school (and at schools everywhere, I suppose), cell phones are banned and have become a serious issue. Kids have used them to cheat on tests, harass fellow students, sell drugs, communicate gang-related messages, and even harass the faculty! In addition, the administration has indicated that the faculty will be executed by a firing squad if they do not enforce the rule regarding cell phones.

So, in an effort to avoid death row, I did as I was told and took the kids phone. Only it wasn't that easy... Initially, the kid refused to give up the phone. Each time I asked, he said no because he was only using it to listen to music. Finally after threatening to call an administrator, the student gave me the phone.

All the while, he's screaming and crying like a 4-year old how it isn't fair that I take his phone when other people are listening to their iPods. Blah, blah, blah...Waaa, waaa, waaa! My iPhone is just like an iPod. I'm just listening to music. Life's not fair, life's not fair, life's not fair!!!!

In all actuality, I had planned on giving him back the phone at the end of the day. However his attitude and whining infuriated me so badly that I turned it over to the authorities. I didn't want to do it; he left me no choice! But I digress...

To make him happy, I told everyone else to put away the iPods. I went further and told them that going forward no one will be allowed to listen to their iPods, headsets, etc. in class. I'm sorry, but I must follow the rules. In my mind, I added "And you can thank your cry-baby classmate!"

Problem solved, right? Nope! Mommy emails me today crying foul as well. "How come you let the others listen to their iPods? Why is my sweet angel being singled out? Blah, blah, blah...Waa, waa, waa." Uggghhh... This again??? This went on for several emails. I apologized; I admitted I was wrong in not strictly enforcing the rules; I reiterated my new classroom policy regarding electronic devices. What more does she want? Apparently, the PHONE...which is now in the possession of a very large man with a gruff voice and the authority to make me stand on my head and shoot popcorn out of my arse if he chooses. Once again, I am in a pickle with a parent.

This goes back to my original thought about good deeds turning to crap. I thought I was being a considerate teacher by allowing some of my students to listen to their iPods. I remember being a teenager; I remember doing my best work while rocking out to Van Halen! In a math lab, where there are 35 kids all doing different things the noise can get pretty loud. For those who are easily distracted, the music helps them stay focused. Oh, well, they're screwed now.

It's a sad reality that we all have to pay for the JACKASSES of the world. Without them, we'd need no speed limits or warning labels on blowdryers or the Consumer Protection Agency. There'd be no million dollar lawsuits or Johnny Cochrans. Life WOULD be fair!

Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility

Since we've been snowed in the the last two days and are scheduled to be home again tomorrow, I thought I'd talk about a little economics. That way, I don't feel so bad about getting paid for doing nothing. It's a bit ironic that it would bother me since back in my FedEx days, it didn't bother me a bit to get paid lots of money for doing absolutely nothing (at least nothing that matters). However, times have changed; my work ethic is much better.

So back to our regularly scheduled program... Today's lesson is about the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility. What the heck is that, you say? And what the heck does it have to do with the pictures of those completely adorable kids??? Actually, everything!

First, let's take a look at marginal utility. Does this mean that you only get a marginal amount of water from the City of Brighton? No, silly... Marginal utility is the additional satisfaction one receives for each additional good or service consumed. Consequently, the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility states that as a person increases consumption of a good or service, there is a decline in the marginal utility (i.e. additional satisfaction) that person derives from consuming each subsequent unit.

Are you still with me?? Relax, that's the end of the economics terminology. In laymen's terms, too much of a good thing is not so good. That includes snow days! One snow day is good. Two snow days are better; however, the third day, not so much. I'm sure I'm among the minority, but I am soooo ready to go back to work!

The reason I am not a stay-at-home mom is because I MUST have some adult interaction. I do not see how other mothers do it. Staying home with small children is much harder than going to work. Mine are still young enough to be needy, but old enough to aggravate the pants off each other. By the time their daddy hits the door, my normally pleasant demeanor has dwindled down to exorcist-like outbursts. From the mouth of Ouiser Boudreaux, my fictitious heroine,

I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton at the Piggly Wiggly this morning, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I could help myself.

My working outside of the home is not just good for me -- it's good for my family too. While no one can top Ouiser, I read another good quote somewhere that goes like this: "If mama ain't happy, no one is happy!" Well, there are no truer words ever spoken. My mood sets the tone for the entire house, and my marginal utility is seriously diminishing!

I Need Dr. Phil!

Hi, my name is Laurie. I am a shopaholic...

I seriously need an intervention. At the very least, I need a "well, here's the problem" from Dr. Phil. I'm like a junkie on heroin -- I cannot get enough of it!

The internet is the greatest invention of the 20th century, AND it is the free liquor store to my alcoholic binge. I have been eyeballing the Vera Bradley purses on eBay. I was just window shopping, nothing serious. However my casual browsing became a several hour HUNT for the perfect purse at the perfect price. I WON!

For some reason, though, it doesn't feel so rewarding to be the winner. Instead I'm feeling dread just thinking about the argument that will ensue when the credit card bill comes in. Looks like I'll have to turn myself out to afford my habit.

Ya see, shopping has turned me into a wife-stitute. My husband will forgive my splurges if I fulfill his urges. This is exactly why I am not the least bit disgusted by the world's oldest profession. In fact, I have an entirely new perspective on the meaning of the term.

I bet it was called the world's oldest profession back before the hooker actually received monetary compensation. During the neanderthal days, the woman gave herself to the man in exchange for food and shelter. In the days of Western expansion, I'm sure the women had to put out to get a ride and a plot of land.

To the unmarried, it sounds silly and maybe even pathetic. But to my married friends who read this, you know what I mean. We all do it (no pun intended). We are all wife-stitutes turning tricks to get a new car, a new dress, a new pair of shoes, or even just a freakin' pedicure.

Which brings me back to my addiction. (My ADD was kickin' in. Hmmm...did I wash my hair this morning?) I've got to stop with the spending! Just how do you get a gig on the Dr. Phil Show any way??