MILs from Hell

I truly hope that when my son decides to marry, I will not mysteriously transform into a MIL from Hell. Seriously, I know moms are typically close to their little boys. How can they not be??? Little boys are so awesome, and they love their moms like no one else can. I can only imagine how difficult it will be to let him go. And I am sure that I will be leary of every girl who comes into his life. However, I pray that God will give me the courage to stay out of his freakin' business, and let him live his life!

As most of you know, I have a MIL from Hell. I thought she was THE MIL from Hell. Apparently, though, she is not the one and only MIL from Hell. It seems that being from Hell is quite characteristic of your typical MIL. Strangely, the Heavenly MIL is an anomaly and somewhat of a precious commodity. (My friend has one of those freaks of nature. Her MIL is awesome beyond belief! It's no fun trying to commiserate with her.)

The phenomena known as the MIL from Hell is complex. There are varying degrees of hellishness. All this time I thought that Dante's Inferno was a fictitious saga about the depths of Hell. I suspect, though, that Dante' may have had a MIL from Hell from which he got his inspiration. The characters obviously represent the MIL's from Hell that Dante encountered.

Depending on the spouse's "crime," the suffering varies. In the first circle of hell, the strong-willed must take a MIL with no manners and obnoxious public behaviors. The ankle-biter MIL is punishment for the passive in the second circle. One of the worst MIL's from Hell, the malicious meddler, is saved for the irresponsible and carefree in the deepest circle. Get the idea?? My personal hell is in the first circle. Another friend's MIL is worse, though.

My friend, V, has an ankle-biter. You know the type. She's like one of those really small, yelpy dogs who constantly bark and bite at your ankles until you kick the hell out her. She has no llife but that of her child's. Seriously, she is all up in the Kool-Aid, sniffing around in their business like the IRS. The ankle-biter is at V's house every single day. Much like the dog, she hovers over the children just waiting to attack anyone or anything that touches the litter. Regardless of what poor V does, the ankle-biter is there to take over while appearing to be helpful. This is no exaggeration either.

I recently had the pleasure of interacting with the ankle-biter. I was at V's house and fed her 1 year old a cheese puff. You know, the ones that melt in your mouth? The ones that require no teeth or chewing?? Since the MIL from Hell was hovering as she does, she nearly had a stroke!! She zoned in on that cheese puff like it was an assault weapon. In a flash, the ankle-biter destroyed the cheese puff and snatched the baby out of harm's way. Phew...another disaster averted thanks to her superb instincts!

My MIL is, in fact, from Hell, but at least she stays out of my business. Of course, she does live over a hundred miles away. I suspect she'd probably be a bit nosier if she were closer. Regardless, I appreciate the fact that she leaves us alone.

I guess there is truth in the saying, "God only gives you what you can handle." With almost complete certainty, I'd be looking for a job out of state if I had V's MIL. I would only be able to fake a joyful expression when she enters the door for about a week before I blew my stack. I'm not exactly sure what I'd say or do, but right now I am getting a visual of Linda Blair in the Exorcist throwing objects around the room with my head doing a 360 as I spew venemous green stuff. Let's just say, we'd probably need the crime scene clean up crew afterwards.