Proof That I've Begun my Descent

Forty-five.  That's the answer.


For those of you who wonder at what age a woman reaches that minuscule location on the proverbial hill where she starts her descent, it's forty-five.  Research no further.  "Over the Hill" starts then.  To be more precise, 45 years, 3 days, 7 hours.  I'd go into a lengthy explanation using differential calculus to define the slope of the hill, but who the hell cares???  You have the answer.


The evidential variables used to derive my very scientific findings???

1. I've been unable to attend my daily aerobics classes because of my back.  I've been on pain medication and steroids, and given strict orders to stay away from the gym for two weeks.  I can't even drive by the place without feeling anxious.
2. I've had this uncontrollable desire to cut my hair to a more sensible length.  Until recent years, I'd NEVER had short hair.  NEVER!  Have I told you how much I hate Demi Moore???  That evil heifer made me believe that all 40+ women can have rock-hard abs, a beautifully flowing mane, and a 25 year old husband!
3. I've been sweating like a whore in church at night.  I wake up each morning completely drenched.  My hair is nappy, and I smell like I ran the Boston Marathon.  Seeing as I can barely stand upright, I know that cannot be a possibility.  

There you have it.  Proof.  This sequence of events all started when I turned 45 years, 3 days, and 7 hours old.


You're welcome.