My Little Apple

In the summer, I am always reminded of what a flop I am at parenting, wifery, and housekeeping.  In my last post, you saw my pathetic house and it's mounds of clutter.  Yep, we are one Sheriff Woody away from your classic family of psychologically impaired hoarders.

Today, my crazy-yelling-lady style of parenting reared its ugly head.  I hate that I'm a yeller.  My mom was a yeller, and I always hated her yelling at me.  I know my own kids feel the same way.  It seems, though, that I lose my mind with frustration and just go with what I know. 

STOP!  No Yelling! (Just shut up.)  When we get home, you are SO going to get it, young lady!

G, my mean-as-hell stubborn mini-me precious four-year-old, has recently developed a bad case of the smart mouth.  I honestly thought I had a good five years before having to deal with that behavior.  Apparently, she's quite "mature" for her age.  Anydrivemeuptheeff'nwall, her mouth has become my nemesis.  And I'm losing the battle.

Though a novice, G's got her smart-ass perfected!  The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, ya know.  G starts off with mockery.  She says everything that comes out of my mouth with one hand on her hip and her head just a-bobbin'.  That's just a little appetizer to get my blood boiling.  By the time our little "discussion" is over, she's smirking at me and I'm screaming my head off!

I'm tired of your smart mouth, G!

"Mama, you are a big Smarty Butt!"

She's right, but that's beside the point.  This house ain't big enough for two smart asses.  And seeing as she is incredibly adorable, I'm afraid I'll have to concede.  Either that or get her butt in check! 

The Pocket Parent says I should just ignore her.  Nowhere in the book, however, says I should yell at her, or threaten a spanking that will never come to fruition.  The book goes on to explain that she's just trying to test me.  She knows my buttons and enjoys pushing them.  I am the parent and the adult so I need to stay calm.  FAIL. FAIL. FAIL. 

A friend of mine suggested that she actually washes her kids' mouths out with soap.  The concentrated liquid kind.  She's batting a 100% effective thus far, though.  Maybe I should give it a try?? 

Time outs with G are unbearable.  She refuses to stay, goes into hysterics, and the whole process lasts so long I forget why I actually put her there.  If I try to spank her, she turns around and tells me that it didn't hurt forcing me to spank her again.  I don't like that approach either.  God, I wish someone would write a book for the lazy parent.  How to Transform Your Child into a Wonderfully Charming Genius in Four Hours.  My kind of book.  Heck, I can do anything for four hours. 

In the meantime, though, how do you stop the kids from getting to best of you?  What works at your house?  To Soap or Not to Soap?  That is the question.