The Dreaded List of 2012 Goals

It's that time of year again.  I'm having severe anxiety attacks.  I'm so anxious because I don't want to be a failure. again. like every. single. year.  Since I became aware of this whole freakin' New Year's resolution.  Last year, I just said "screw it," but this year I'm feeling like I should actually try to do something.  Or maybe stop doing something.

Ahhh, I dunno.  I have such a shitty track record for goal setting and reaching said goals.  I'm a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants type of girl.  Always have been.  Consequently, I know nothing about sticking it out until I achieve something.  At least, not anything super challenging.  Yes, I graduated college.  Yes, I got a Master's degree but that was only because I didn't want to leave my boyfriend.  Yes, I even completed the additional 30 hours necessary for my next pay level.  But those were easy goals.  School, I like.  Learning, I like.  And while I'm no Albert Einstein, I'm pretty freakin' smart.  For a Mississippi girl.  *insert lame Southern joke here*

Deprivation and self-control, not so much.  I am over the top and excessive.  I like stuff!  And the more that I have, the better I feel.  I like food.  Good food.  Food that has 800 calories in the smell alone.  Drinking?  I am balls-to-the-wall, let's get shit-faced!  That's why I don't drink anymore.

Yep, Excess should have been my middle name.  I don't do well without.  I want what I want, and I want it now!

But, just for shits and giggles, I'm going to give this resolution thing another shot.  Here goes.  I'm putting it out there.  Ya ready???  Wait for it, wait. for. it...

My 2012 goals are to:

1. lose 40 pounds by my tenth wedding anniversary in August.  That is eight months.  That's like 5 pounds a month.  I can do that, can't I?
2. start running again and run some local 5Ks for charity starting with the Jason Culley Mido-What? race in March.  I really want to run the St. Jude half marathon next December, but we'll see.
3. Quit spending money!  Well, maybe not totally.  But at least work with my husband to work out a viable budget.    
4. Be nicer.  Well...  Don't expect much.  I said nic-ER.  Since nice is not my best feature, anything will be an improvement.

Alright folks.  I put it out on the blogosphere so it's official!  I have to accomplish them.  Or the cyber police will come knocking on my door to take me to cyber jail.  I think it's in Narnia.  The White Witch is the warden.  Or something crazy like that.

ADD Moment #477 - Dude, have you ever seen that documentary about the harshest prison in the world??  It is some joint down in the middle of Mexico.  It's basically an enclosed city run by the criminals!  You do NOT want to go there!

If You Want Optimism, Watch Oprah

I started out this morning thinking, God, I hate new years' resolutions; I always feel like such a failure. 

I rarely stick with anything.  My one success?!?  I quit smoking, and that wasn't even a new year's resolution.  That was an I-don't-want-to-die-from-mouth-cancer-after-a-dental-checkup-nightmare.  Hypochondria and biopsies under general anesthesia don't exactly go well together. 

Turns out, this isn't the first time I've pondered the thought of my resolution failures.  Apparently, this is an annual thing for me.  Been there, done that, yet I keep misplacing the t-shirt.  My disdain for new years' resolutions continues.  I'm an obvious glutton for punishment.  Click on the link and see for yourself.

In order to kick off the year like everyone else with a head full of dreams (but with zilch motivation), here's what I've got:

1. I will not eat liver.  Of any kind.  It's the poop filter, folks!  Need I say more?

Oh, were you looking for more?  Please, it took all I had to come up with that one.  Feel free to borrow it if you'd like.  You're welcome.