Sparing Spouses

My head is on the verge of spontaneous combustion.  Well, not so spontaneous since I can feel my blood rushing to the top causing the aforementioned explosion.  Nonetheless, I'm 'bout to go off on somebody!

I got up at 5:00 a.m. this morning just so I could go to the gym before Satan had to report to work.  I put up with Rounds 1, 2, and 3 of the incessant fighting between my kids, washed the bedding after my son got pissed and literally pissed everywhere, did two time outs in two separate locations at the same time, got the kids dressed so I could strap them in their car seats away from one another we could go to the library, then headed off to the Children's Museum for some air-conditioned entertainment. 

I finally rolled into the drive at around 5:00 p.m.  What do you think were the first words out of Satan's mouth???  Yep, you guessed it...

"What's for supper?!?!"

Of course, this question came as I entered the door with two screaming kids and an arm full of crap acquired during the day.  As if that wasn't enough, Satan's spawn, Curly Q, was in the midst of a meltdown because she wanted to run down the road after the neighbors on bikes.  Being the pushover he is, Satan was promising diamonds, pearls, and a Hawaii vacation to Curly Q if she'd just stop screaming. 

"Where exactly were the neighbors when you saw them riding on the road?"

As if I'd felt like giving him GPS coordinates for those little hellions.  I went off!  And he had the nerve to retaliate with his typical, yet deadly, fighting words, "If you don't like it, you can just leave."

WTF?  Seriously?!?!  How's a girl supposed to respond to that one???  He knows it totally pisses me off because I have nothing!  Sure, I could come back with, fine, I'll leave! but how dumb is that shit?  I'm a lot of things, but dumb is not one of them.

I want to say, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU!  Maybe if I weren't playing the Silent Treatment right now, I would do exactly that. 

Oh, he is soooo sleeping on the couch tonight!