It's official. I am old and fat.
While waiting for the shower to warm up, I always get my clothes out for the day. Nevermind that I do this in the nude and have to watch myself pass by my extremely LONG bathroom mirror to get to my closet. Sorry for the visual, but ANY-way...
This morning, as part of my usual shower ritual, I went to my closet for something to wear. While hunting, it occurred to me that everything towards the end of the closet has an elastic waist! Since the end of the closet is closest to the door, the clothes in that area are those which are worn most frequently. I have to laugh so that I don't cry because elastic-waist pants have always symbolized old age to me.
Mind you, my pants are still stylish (I think); they're mostly yoga pants. However, they still have elastic in the waist! I've finally gotten to the point where a zipper and a button are just too much work. My once taut tummy is now more like a big, soft pillow making anything other than an elastic waistband very uncomfortable. Ahhh...so now my wardrobe consists primarily of pants and skirts that do not bind.
What's next? Orthopedic shoes for my aching feet?!?! If I start bedazzling everything in the closet, have me committed IMMEDIATELY because I've turned into my grandmother. The woman never wore orthopedic shoes, but she did cut small slits in the sides of her Keds to keep her bunions from hurting. I remember laughing at her until my side hurt every time she wore those crazy shoes. If I'm not mistaken, she bedazzled them as well.
It just pisses me off, really, because I am the same age as Demi Moore and even younger than Valerie Bertinelli. I bet neither of them have an entire wardrobe of elastic-waist pants. Hell, they both still wear freakin' bikinis to the beach! I, on the otherhand, have recently invested in a Mommysuit. Ya know the one. It's a one piece suit with so much spandex in it that you have to refrain from drinking while wearing it. Pulling it down to pee is absolutely out of the question.
My wardrobe observations actually produced an epiphany. Why don't I get off my big, fat ass and fight mother nature??!! I don't have to wear elastic. Demi and Val (we're JC buddies) don't! Hell, I've been sparing with mother nature for some time now by coloring my hair and using sunscreen. Why don't I quit with the sissy punches and spank that ass?!?!
As a result, I've set myself a goal. By the time we get out for the summer, I will have lost 35 pounds. I will SCHEDULE (have to or it won't get done) my workouts and will go a minimum of three days each week. Once I've reached that goal, I will buy myself a BIKINI and actually wear it! I know it sounds crazy for an old lady like me, but I am not scared.
It's AMAZING what a little sunlight can do for your attitude...
