The Fine Art of Wearing Big Girl Panties

I'm psychic or something.  Seriously, my intuitive side is sometimes completely mind-boggling.  I am a Christian, albeit a luny Christian, but I'm a firm believer of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  At the same time, I totally get the cosmos and karma and order in the universe.  Call me a Christiantologist if you'd like.  I love the Big G, and am just amazed at how this organized assembly called life plays out.

Take this week, for example.  While cleaning my classroom, I came across a book that I read a few years ago while being tortured like an indentured servant working in corporate America.  It's a simple little book with less than 100 pages and written in big print.  Yet, I'd forgotten the powerful message contained within.  Because I was bored and tired of cleaning, I decided to read it again.  For some reason, though, it affected me more this time.  Little did I know, but that book helped me see things more clearly.

By now, I'm sure you are wanting to rip my head off.  What freakin' book, LB???  Why did you make me read three effn' paragraphs before giving me the title?  I ain't got all day, woman!  'Cuz that's how I roll, sister!

Anyimpatientassreaders, the book is called Who Moved My Cheese?  Okay, please don't stop reading here.  I know it's a hokey little book, and I'm sure most of you have read it during one of those touchy-feely, we-care-about-our-employees, we-are-family, professional development days.  Hell, I read it back in those lucrative business days too.  I read it, tossed it aside, and filled up my plate at the departmental potluck never to think about it again.  Until now...

I won't bore you to tears with a professional book review.  Rather, I'll just give you a brief refresher.  Dr. LB's interpretation, if you will.

So, there are these little dudes named Hem and Haw, and there are some rodents named Sniff and Scurry.  All four of them head off to this maze every day in search of cheese.  Real talk...

One day, they hit the mother load.  They found an entire room of cheese.  Hem and Haw sat around eating and getting fat.  The mice did, too.  When it was finally gone, the mice quickly moved on  in search of more cheese because, well, that's what mice do.  Hem and Haw, on the otherhand, freaked the f*@k out!  Who the hell took all the cheese?  I bet those damn mice did it.

Every day they'd go back to that same place to bitch about the missing cheese.  Meanwhile, the mice had discovered a new source of cheese that was more plentiful than ever before.  But Hem and Haw sat around expecting that the cheese would reappear at any time.  Every day.  The same thing.  Still no cheese.

Finally, Haw got tickled because he and Hem were no longer big dawgs in the pound, so to speak.  They were weak and thin and slowly dying from starvation.  He laughed, though, because he realized how ridiculous it was for them to do the same thing day after day expecting different results.  He finally got his schnit together and got the heck out of there in search of more cheese.  No amount of begging, though, could make Hem come along.  He stayed.

After reaching a point of total emaciation, Hem finally found the Big Cheese.  He worked hard, tried various strategies (some successful, some not), and persevered.  Most importantly, he learned some very valuable lessons along the way.  He vowed he'd never become complacent again.

Why, you may ask, do I give a rat's behind (no pun intended) about that story?  Because now I see myself in a different light.  I see others differently as well.  There have been times in my life when I was a regular ol' Hem.  All I wanted to do was cry and complain about the unfairness of it all.  Boo hoo!  Poor me!  If so and so wouldn't have done this, maybe I wouldn't be in this predicament.

Even worse, I see it so much in some of the people I deal with.  Everybody is looking to blame somebody or something.  Everything happens as a direct result of someone else's actions.  People are just victims.  Victims of the malicious doings of others.  Blah, blah, blah...

I call "Bullshit!"  It makes me want to barf just thinking about it. 

• Sometimes shit just happens!!  
• Sometimes you bring shit on yourself! 
• Life is NOT fair!
• No one is out to get you! 

Aw, you poor little ba-beeee...  Give me a break! Blaggkk!!  *me barfing*  Believe it or not, people are far too self-centered to spend their valuable time and energy ruining your pathetic, little life.  Put on your Big Girl panties, and get over it!  Get over yourself!  It's not all about YOU! 

Alright, alright...  I know you're sitting there thinking "What the hell does this have to do with God and universal order?"  EVERYTHING!  Had I not read that book, I wouldn't be imparting such words of wisdom to you right now.  Had I not read that book, I might be sitting here bitching about all the crap going on right now over which I have ZERO control.

For me, the most profound message in the book was when stuff happens roll with it.  Don't piss and moan.  Suck it up!  Find the humor in it!  Laugh at yourself, even!  Then move. The hell.  On!

You are very welcome.