If you are looking for tips along the caliber of Frommer's, stop reading now. But if you are looking for ways to merely survive one hellacious week of over-priced entertainment in the warmest location on the North American continent, look no further. LB is here to help. And you are very welcome.
Tip #1 - Tell your kids the place was destroyed by a hurricane, tornado, earthquake, meteorite...anything! If they buy it, you don't even need to read the other tips.
Tip #2 - Screw comfortable shoes; rent a fat-lady scooter or a wheelchair. Hell, everyone else does it and they get premium seating at all the shows!
Tip #3 - Sunscreen, sunscreen, sunscreen!! People, if you are white as a cotton ball, please use lots of sunscreen. I saw a family at the water park that probably needed hospitalization. They were burnt UP!
Tip #4 - Be sure to pack the happy pills. It may even be necessary to up your dosage.
Tip #5 - Fight the urge to plan! Don't do it! You'll spend your entire trip stressed out and 5 minutes late to everything.
Tip #6 - If you own a gun, leave it at home. More than likely the urge to shoot someone will be too hard to resist.
Tip #7 - If you do the dining plan, be sure it includes alcoholic beverages. At least if you are shit-faced drunk, you won't feel bad when you yell for the fat-ass, slow-walking family in front of you to "MOVE OUT OF THE FREAKIN' WAY!"
Tip #8 - If possible, leave the kids at home. Just go with your spouse or your boyfriend or both. Maybe then you can actually enjoy the place.
Tip #9 - Forget about your dietary restrictions. Healthy options are available, but why bother??? They've got the best desserts, ice cream, candy, and rot gut, saturated fat-filled, artery clogging meals in America! If you are going to spend $50 a person on a meal, better get your money's worth.
Tip #10 - If you think you can do everything in 5 days, book your vacation for 7-8 days. Disney is so much more enjoyable when done in small doses. Your kids will thank you, your spouse will thank you, and the corporate shareholders at Disney will thank you!
4 comments:
I agree with all these and would add to convince your kids that Epcot is the best park. They sell liquor there. :)
Oh wow...your kids are going to have Disney whiplash by the time they are 10...
My twins are almost 5 and keep asking when we're going. But reading this makes me want to tell them Disney is closed until they're at least 7 years old. LOL
I will take your advice as we hope to take the girls in about 2 years (6 and 8 years old) when can actually afford it. FYI - my favorite is tip#9.
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