Disclaimer: I am sarcastic (Du-uh! Thus the blog address), and I tend to exaggerate for effect. I'm a people-watcher; I observe, report, and add my own commentary. Nothing I write should be used as a factual reference due to my tendency to over-exaggerate. While I hate to admit it (and probably won't again), I do NOT know everything. The opinions stated here are mine, and mean absolutely NOTHING to anyone else in the world but a few close friends. If my statements offend you, I'm sorry for that but this is my blog. I call it like I see it! Real Talk.
I may need to seek professional counsel for my latest obsession. It consumes me when out in public. I find myself going to great lengths just to catch a glimpse. I'm speechless and dumbfounded by what I see, yet I want to see more. It's like a bad car accident. I shudder at the gruesomeness, but I want to get all up in the Kool-Aid.
People, people, people... Please, please, please... Let's be a bit more discriminating about the "art" we have permanently placed on our bodies! K?
Seriously, folks. Not everything in life is worthy of a tattoo. I know you love your boyfriend, but do you really need his name, birth date, and social security number stamped across your entire back? Yes, I know you love turtles; I do too! However, must you wear that love on your upper thigh?
Mr. #24 should be very, very, VERY afraid!
What the hell was she thinking?
Some of the most hideous tattoos I've observed were on women. I do not understand why a beautiful woman would want to deface her beautiful body with the likes of Tweety Bird and Captain Jack Sparrow. Don't get me wrong; I think Johnny Depp is pretty hot myself. But after a few years of sun and weight changes, Captain Jack starts to look more like the Crypt Keeper.
Eff'n Bob Barker? Really??
Speaking of the Crypt Keeper, he's really not a good muse. Just say "NO" to Freddy Krueger, the Tasmanian Devil, Satan, and the Grim Reaper. Oh, and the Insane Clown Posse. They're just plain creepy! One day you will have children (yes you will) who will be completely traumatized.
Do you really want this to be the last thing your son sees before going to bed???
You will also probably have a real job one day so keep your tatts on the DL. The initials of your BFF on the back of your neck may work against you in the interview process. You can't really sport that tarantula crawling up your leg wearing a dress. The Man kinda frowns on skankiness, or anything that may be misconstrued for skankiness, in the work place.
I have a tattoo. A ridiculous tattoo. One that would definitely cause me to tank an interview. Luckily, God was on my side that day because I got it on my hip vs. the ankle where I'd really wanted it. Some fifteen or so years later, my Mickey looks like an old, dead rat. I'd love to have it removed, but it serves a purpose. It is a constant reminder of the dumb things I'm capable of doing when severely under the influence. No AA meetings necessary!
Lord, I hope this ain't your grandma...
*These are not people in my real life. All photos are compliments of Google Images.
