My Disturbing Motivator

Phew!!!  I just spent 45 minutes on the treadmill.  I never do that!  I get bored too easily to give anything 45 minutes of my time.  However, I've finally discovered a cure for my ADD/short attention span.  Yes, ladies and gents, I can stay focused for hours, as a matter of fact.  Just turn on some MTV's Jersey Shore, and I'm in the zone.

I discovered this hour-long skank fest while at the gym.  I was dreading my workout and hoping my legs would actually fall off so I wouldn't have to do it.  I got on the elliptical machine and plugged in my headphones.  As surfing for 20 minutes through the gazillion channels using only those little up and down arrows, I came across a bar-room brawl.  Oh, wait...  What the heck is this?!?  Who are these scantily clad ultra-tan girls with the big boobies and the short skirts?!?  Oh, and who is that big, buff Guido-looking dude who just punched one of those girls?!!!  The rest, as they say, was history. 

Ever since that day, I've been stalking that show like a crazy woman!  I want more!  It's pretty pathetic, really, and to make things worse we only watch the Disney Channel or NickJr. at my house.  Every time I've tried to watch at home, one of my preschoolers starts tugging at my leg.  I'm already concerned about my daughter's fascination with "dancing."  I definitely don't want to encourage her to wear booty shorts and big hair at 4 years old!  I'm already praying each night that there won't be a pole in her future.

But, oh no!  How will I get my fix?!?  I need more!  I know...how about going to the gym on the weekends so I can catch up?!?  I could get on the elliptical or the treadmill and veg on "Jersey Shore" until I develop an annoying accent like Snooki.

Thank goodness I'm one smart cookie.  I also have to be thankful for the fact that my fat ass is lazy and won't go to the gym without some instant gratification.  Screw the heightened endorphins; give me my smut TV!  If it came on every day, I'd be at the gym every. freakin'. day.

I guess whatever gets you there, right?  I mean, I am going to the gym.  I am working my ass off (pun DEFINITELY intended)!  And all the while, I'm able to feed my new addiction.  Sure, my brain cells diminish by the millions every time I watch.  Hey, but my butt's getting smaller.  And right now, I'd rather be a thin woman with an IQ of 7 than a big, fat genius!