Memoir Monday - Crushed In Front of My Crush

Memoir Monday!  Wooo Hooo!  It's like the biggest thing in blog land!  Go over to I Like To Fish, grab Travis' button, and add your own story.  Just make sure it's true.  There are HUGE cash prizes and very Blingity-Bling-Bling awards.  No, not really...  But there are quite a few really funny stories from some exceptionally talented bloggers.  Go ahead, check him out.  Oh, and make sure you pay him his props.  C'mon...it's fun!  And what the heck do you have to do on a Monday anyway???  



I was a bet wetter.  I'm not sure if I had medical issues or if I was just too lazy to get my ass out of bed.  Either way, I wet the bed until I was about 12 or so.  I remember when I stopped just like it were yesterday.  I didn't just wake up one morning and decide, hey, I think I'll stop pissing the bed.  Not much of a story in that and certainly not indicative of my life.  Maybe Molly McPerfect's life, but not mine.  Anybladder, this is how it all went down. 

My cousin and best friend growing up was Sandy.  We were inseparable.  If she wasn't at my house, I was at hers or vice versa.  One night, Sandy had a sleep over.  It may have been her birthday or something.  I can't remember, but I do remember that it was more than just her and me.  It was more like 4-5 girls.  We'd made a pallet on the floor since there weren't enough beds for all of us. 

Ya see, Sandy is one of seven children who grew up in a 3 bedroom, 1 bath home.  Back in the day, that was normal.  Only rich folks had more than one bathroom.  And only the REALLY rich folks had more than 3 bedrooms.  So there we were.  At a slumber party.  Five girls sleeping together.  Having fun.  Until...

I guess it was probably about 5-6 o'clock in the morning when I began to have my usual I'm-going-to-piss-in-the-bed-because-I-think-I'm-sitting-on-a-toilet dream.  It seems like every bedwetting incident was preceded by this dream.  You'd think after a few times, I'd figure out that it was just a dream about a toilet.  Those of us with the really hard heads take a little longer to convince than you normal people.

Yep, you guessed it.  I dreamed that I was peeing and actually did.  All over my friends!  They all started screaming.  OMG!  I'm wet!  Who peed???  OMG!  LB did you pee???  I was completely humiliated.  I'd just pissed all over my friends.  Apparently, I had way too much Coke before falling asleep because it looked like the Great Flood in that room.  It went through the pallet and into the carpet.  The whole floor was wet.  I was mortified.

That was just the beginning of my humiliation, turns out.  Remember I told you Sandy is one of seven?  Her older brother is two years older than us.  When you are a 12 year old girl, what do you think about constantly? 

Uh, 14 year old boys???  Ding, ding, ding!  We have a winner, Alex!

No, I did not have the hots for my cousin.  I was a bedwetter which is gross enough.  I was not an incestuous bedwetter.  Now that's just disturbing.  No, but 14 year old boy cousins have 14 year old friends.  And my 14 year old cousin was best friends with my first real crush, John-John.

Oh, how I loved John-John.  He had the most beautiful tousled chestnut curls with dreamy, dark eyes and smooth, tan skin.  He looked like a Jonas brother, only hotter.  I melted when he was near.

On this particular morning, though, I melted from sheer humiliation.  John-John came over that morning to hang out.  He and Eddie may have been going fishing or something.  Anyway, he was there unusually early for not having slept over.  He walked in just as the commotion was in full-swing. 

I wanted to die.  I asked my friends not to say anything, but the big wet carpet stain that smelled like piss gave it away.  I hid in my aunt's bedroom.  There was no way I could face him.  I was mortified. 

I'll just stay in this room forever.  I'll quit school.  My aunt can bring my meals in here.  I'm never going to show my face to the world.  If I hide here for the rest of my life, I will not have to deal with the shame. 

It took me a very long time to recover from that incident.  I'm not sure how long it was, but I know I could not even be around John-John for quite awhile.  The shame was unbearable.  However, I never EVER pissed in the bed again.