Anyrat, I'm pissed! We took the kids swimming this morning. My son had his brand new pair of
After eating, we headed to my dad's place for some scrump-dilly-ish-ous crawfish, visited my aunt, and stopped for a delicious snow cone. A nice leisure afternoon in some of my most familiar haunts. I nearly got the warm and fuzzies with all the nostalgia.
After some enjoyable family time, we went back to our condo for an afternoon swim. I dressed the kids in fresh swimsuits while my husband collected their pool gear. That's when things went bad...
Apparently, the crown jewels were missing a stone! *GASP in complete shock* The Spiderman goggles were missing a lens! And it was all my fault!
WTF?!?!
"If you'd keep up with stuff..."
I did keep up with the stuff. Everything made it back to the condo, didn't it?
"Not exactly. Where's the lens? Where did you lose it?"
Aw, hell... My head did a complete 360 and the green gunk started spewing. Linda Blair didn't have shit on me!
Where did I lose it? Are you suggesting that I lost the lens? Oh, and I guess I lost it in a specific location to which I can return to retrieve the lens? I freakin' hate assinine questions like that.
To make matters worse, my husband does this a LOT. A whole, whole LOT. My kids think it's my fault when it rains. Well, if you wouldn't have washed your van... Yea, and that whole tsunami thing? That was me. I didn't mess with the mine, but the earthquake in Cali, well, I just couldn't help myself.
God, if I only had such power. I sure as hell wouldn't be wasting it on stupid shit like sending my son into a complete meltdown over a damn lost goggle lens. I'd be using that power to wreck havoc on Iran or North Korea or some other jacked up place like that. For that matter, we'd have had a lot more snow days. And that stubborn belly fat would be HIS-TOR-EEEE!
Jackass! That's right, JP's spy! I just called him a jackass. A jackass who will probably be going without tonight, too! (Watch...his damn cell phone will start ringing as soon as I press the POST button.)
Hey Moooog! Do you think you can make me some reward posters at work? I guess I'm on the hook for a new pair of Spiderman goggles if that darn lens isn't found.
Wait for it. Wait for it... *RING, RING, RING*
3 comments:
Okay, I'm the guilty party playing the blame game at my house. I know, I know, it's awful. My husband complains about his computer messing up. My response, "Well, what did you do to it?" He called me once, just minutes after having a car accident, and the first thing out of my mouth was "Was it your fault?" C'mon...I was just thinking about my premiums going up! I figured since he was cognizant enough to call me, he must be alright! And yeah, if he loses something, my first words are "Well, where did you leave it?" Fortunately, my husband has these hypnotic bedroom eyes and all he has to do is look at me with *that look* and I wouldn't care if he dropped the atom bomb on Canada.
Your husband has a spy who reads your blog? Why doesn't he just read it himself? That's how my husband finds out when he's in the dog house. lol Although he would never try blaming anything one me, he knows his life would be hell. In fact we both pretty much blame anything bad that happens on HIS family name, because they are known for having some serious bad luck.
Since you have super powers, I have a list I'm going to bring to you.
I hope you ate enough crawfish for me too! Love 'em!!
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Am I right, or what?