The Ugly World of Youth Sports

I warn you...  This is a LONG vent!!!  Mama's on a tirade today.

My kids are young.  My oldest is only five years old, and the baby is four.  I know they are really too young to get very involved in sports, but they both asked to play this year.  My son wants to play baseball, and baby girl wants to play softball.  (I have no earthly idea where she's even heard the term, softball, used.  I was always a girly girl.  Dance, cheerleading, boys, hair and make up...those were my extracurricular activities.)   I was less than enthusiastic, but my husband is excited.  At least he was...

Isn't this a sweet picture??  This is what I think of when I think of youth sports.

The other night there was a meeting of the coaches for the baseball league where my son will play.  My husband and some friends volunteered to coach.  They couldn't get anyone else to do such a thankless job.  All three of them are very patient and understanding men who work well with the kids.  For that, I am extremely thankful.  They coached the kids in soccer last year.  They were great; the children really enjoyed themselves.  I think my son will at least have fun playing under their direction.  That's what it's all about any way.  Right?!?!?

I'm so naive.  What the hell was I thinking?  My husband came home from that meeting fired up.  He was pissed!  Apparently, the league is fairly large and warrants two divisions.  There will be a National League and an American League.  Still no biggie, right?  They'll just pull teams from a hat and split the kids.  I could have had all the whole system organized and color-coded by team in a few hours.  (Just one more reason why WOMEN should rule the world.)  But I digress... 

Anyprick (thanks Big Travy and Tracie...I love those in your posts), there are a few coaches from last year who are quite shady.  (Pick up your chin.  I'm appalled, too.)  As is typical of "shady" folks, these coaches were trying to ensure that all the experienced players were in one league and on their teams.  Those bastards were trying to rig the whole "draft" process!  They wanted to split the league so that all the newbies are in one weak league and those with experience in one dominant league.  The idea is to have all the players they deem "superior" in the better league when All-Stars rolls around. 

These are freakin' 4-6 year olds, people!  HELL-O?!?  They haven't even started playing yet!  How much fun will it be for the new kids to have the blocks beaten off them every time they hit the field???  Hell, my kid isn't even clear about how to use the bat I bought him.  He thinks it's to chase the dog!

I've said it before, but I'm so naive.  According to a friend who has a son playing in the same league, the shady coaches have actually been practicing with some of the kids they want on their teams.  OMeff'nG!How do you practice when your team hasn't even been selected yet???  The draft isn't even until next Tuesday, for crying out loud.  How do they even know that these kids will be on their teams! 

Uuuggghhh...!  I was so apprehensive about playing with this group to begin with.  Now, I'm dreading it with a passion.  The first time I hear some coach say something inappropriate or hurtful to my son, I will beat him to death with his own baseball bat scream!  Look, you bastard!  Just because your fat ass never made it any further than bat boy for your high school team, doesn't give you the right to push my child around so you can puff up with pride.  Just because you work at a miserable, menial job in the Slim-Fast factory, doesn't mean you can crush my child's self-esteem in an effort to make him miserable, too.   

I'm going to go out on a limb and make a prediction.  I predict that none of these kids will become professional baseball players.  I will go even further, and say that over half of the kids playing will not even play high school ball.  *GASP in shock*  That's right, folks!  I'm psychic.  Just call me Nostradamus.  Check back in ten years.  I bet I'm dead on the money!  My son isn't the most coordinated thing in the world.  He wears glasses, for Christ's sakes!  I doubt he can even see the ball.  I don't expect him to play every game nor do I believe he has even the slightest chance of making an All-Star team.  I only agreed to let him play because I thought it would be fun.  Sounds like a regular amusement park, huh?


*As I let out a very long, deep sigh*  This is going to be a very long season...